my immortal beloved

I had just gotten off work, bartending, so it was late, and i was giving some kid a ride home. I had moved to Conyers and had a long ride home so i was in a hurry. I saw your litter on the couch at Jane's and you all were so cute, all orange and white and cuddled together on a blanket, mewing up at me. I reached my hand down and you reached your tiny neck up, and bam: I fell in love. You sat on my shoulder like a little parrot on the ride home and for many rides after that. I wrapped you in my blanket and you stared up at me with those big, blue alien eyes. Jane told me you were a boy and I named you Oscar. Then my roommate Lindsey brought home another kitten from the same litter and we realized that you were definitely NOT a boy. So i had just finished watching Almost Famous and hence, Penny Lane became your name. You and Askim used to climb up our pant legs when we were opening your food cans on the counter.I brought Abbey home for you. You hissed at her first, and then you licked her. You loved her. We both did. But she had to leave us. And I'm not sure you ever really recovered from that loss. You loved to play. We'd hook a velcro monkey to the fan and watch you run in circles after it. A box would sit on the floor and you'd crawl into it. We'd push you around and make vroom sounds until you got scared and jumped out. I shouldn't have scared you, honey. I'm sorry. But it was pretty funny. One time, we were shooting water guns at each other, it was all fun and games but I screamed when I was attacked and you ran and attacked the shooter! You were a good protector. I brought Jude home for you. To fill Abbey's void. He was one crazy tomcat. I didn't get him fixed in time and bam: you were pregnant. We took good prenatal care of you and out came five glorious little bundles of joy. The morning you went into labor, you waited until I woke up, looked straight at me and meowed. I said to you "Now?" and you meowed again. It was cute. You kept moving the baby nest to different areas. You were a good mom. Then we moved to New Orleans. We had a good time there. We danced together. Well, I danced and you sat on the couch arm and stared at me. I sang and you came running. Still not sure if you like the sound or if you just wanted me to stop. Remember when you you tried to scratch your neck off and I had to put a sock around it? I'd swaddle you in my blanket and call you a worm. Then I'd cover your ears and say "ahms for the poor" because you looked like a little old lady. You were so funny. You slept with me all the time. Cuddled up against my belly or your head on my arm. If I was sitting and my lap was empty, you were sitting on it. You were my good little traveler when we were evacuating. You were scared but you never let it show. I always told you that as long as we had each other, than everything would be ok. I saw the growth in your belly and just thought you were getting fat. Remember? I told you that we were both getting bellies? Then it got bigger and I thought maybe you were pregnant. Then you started to get skinny and I knew we were not so lucky. Our time was up. A large tumor had grown in your beautiful belly. Had already metasicized to your lungs. You weezed and panted and struggled to breathe. You could barely walk and so you stayed in bed all day. And I selfishly thought, the steroids and antibiotics the doctor prescribed could keep you here with me. For a whole week, I hand fed you, and faithfully gave you your medicine twice a day. I never wanted you to suffer. I am so sorry, honey. I thought it would make you better. I really did. I actually promised you that it (the meds) would make you better, that I would make you better. I'm a liar and I'm sorry. Now, you're at home on the bed. Weezing and panting and struggling for your life. And after I got off the phone with the doctor, he tells me all he can do now is prescribe pain pills. So I sit here at my desk and cry and type and think of how I'm going to do this again. I've decided to skip the gym tonight. You're so much more important than that. I'm going to go home and brush you and give you a nice sponge bath and cradle you and sing to you and make sure you know you are loved. You know you are loved. And in the morning, we'll go and you will begin your next life. Somewhere in the multiverse, and I just know that I will see you again soon. We are kindred, darling. Never forget that. I know they all leave us, why did I open my heart like that again? And the reason is always: is better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all. I don't even know how to thank you for everything you've given me. The love, the memories, the sweet, the sour, the amazing gift of you and the love you gave me. I can only hope that I gave you even a fraction of the love you gave to me. I will be there for you, till the end. I will always be there for you and love you, eternally. I love you, Penny Lane. I will never forget you. Ever.

Pretty, pretty princess nails!

You loved your Erin.

Beautiful babies

My sweet little girl

Your big fat baby belly

I love you, Penny Lane.

Wee Dolls

I've got to keep my fingers busy! In between licorice whips and celery sticks, I made these! They are small wire, hot glue, and embroidery floss dolls. I was watching my mom's dogs for the weekend and so I just glued them onto a box with a Welcome Home sign in the back. I guess I'll be making more but I thought it was cutie patootie so I wanted to share!

Almost there...

On Monday, April 20th at 11:59 P.M. Jason and I smoked our last smoke. Puffed our last puff. And the past three days have been hell. I feel as if the physical withdrawl symptoms are almost gone. Now all I have to do now is live the rest of my life realizing that I am an addict, and never take another puff. Hopefully, I'll think about them less and less. I mean, I wasn't born smoking. So I have lived at least some of my life without smoking, I just have to remember how to do it. How did I used to wake up? How did I used to finish eating a meal? How did I used to deal with stressful situations? How did I used to go out?
Oh yeah, that's right. I wasn't legal.
This is what helps right now. Deep breathing, cinnamon sticks, straws, gum, water, food, reading horrific stories about what tobacco does to people, this site. It's imperative that people stay very calm around me, that no one raises their voice, acts too excitable, or restless, or makes me antsy. Which is exactly why I need them to just leave me alone. I wish I could just go to sleep for a week and wake up healed! It's a hard process but the first three days are the hardest. That's what they say anyways. And I'm almost out of it! So if the sheer improbability of my being able to withstand another 72 hours of this chest-tightening, cranky and irritable, exhausted and completely unable to focus, don't really know what to do with myself, want to jump out of my skin, kill someone, scream at someone, then cry and go to bed- isn't enough to cement the declaration in my mind that I will never take another puff, then I don't know what will.
I get the feeling that someone may just throw a pack at me sometimes. But in my defense, if they would just leave me alone, I wouldn't be so...well, you know. Also, tons of people have quit smoking. They aren't any better or stronger than me. I can do this.
Regardless, it's been 2 days, 9 hours, 13 minutes, and 10 seconds, since I quit. I have saved nearly $30 dollars so far, and saved 8 hours and 44 minutes of my life. (unless the dragons come, at which point, i'm lighting up.) Also this site, which gave me all those facts and figures and these here:
When you quit smoking,...the benefits for your health begin within minutes of your last cigarette.

After 8 hrs

100% Nicotine and Carbon Monoxide level reduce by half, oxygen levels return to normal

After 24 hrs

100% Carbon Monoxide eliminated from the body. Lungs start to clear out mucus and debris.

After 48 hrs

100% There is no nictotine left in the body. Ability to smell and taste greatly improved.

After 72 hrs

80% Breathing becomes easier. Bronchial tubes begin to relax and energy levels increase.

After 2-12 wks

17% Circulation improves, making walking and running a lot easier.

After 3-9 months

3% Coughs, wheezing and breathing problems improve.

After 1 year

1% Your excess risk of coronary heart disease is decreased to half that of a smoker after one year.

After 2 year

0% Your chance of achieving long-term success with quitting tobacco increases significantly after two years.

After 5 years

0% From 5 to 15 years after quitting tobacco, stroke risk is reduced to that of people who have never smoked.

After 10 years

0% * Risk of lung cancer drops to as little as one-half that of continuing smokers* Risk of cancer of the mouth, throat, esophagus, bladder, kidney, and pancreas decreases* Risk of ulcers decreases

After 15 years

0% * Risk of coronary heart disease is now similar to that of people who have never smoked* Risk of death returns to nearly the level of people who have never smoked

Twilight Vs. The Southern Vampire Mysteries

If you're a constant reader, dear reader, then you may remember me telling you about a great new HBO show called True Blood. Based on the Southern Vampire Mysteries, by Charlaine Harris, which I am now reading.

If you scroll down a bit, you'll find that I've been re-obsessed with vampires ever since finishing the Twilight Saga so the Southern Vampire Mysteries seemed a natural progression. But as I read, I find there are some startling coincidences that need to be explored. I'll try not to give anything away but If you haven't read either of these book series, don't blame me If I spoil anything. I warned you.

1. They both take place in small towns. Forks, Washington and Bon Temps, Louisiana.
2. They both involve Telepathic characters. Edward and Sookie.
3. Both heroines are disdainful of their peers and not afraid of vampires. Bella and Sookie.
4. Both heroines have male best friends who are in love with them and can turn into dogs. Jacob and Sam.

Beyond that, Twilight is an intensely romantic story, with true, timeless, forbidden love and just enough opposition to make it interesting. The Southern Vampire Mysteries is a murder mystery novel with a relationship in it. I'll keep noting as I read more. Should also be mentioned here that Ms. Harris has the premier on this with her books being copyrighted in 2001 and Twilight in 2005. Shame on you, Ms. Meyer!...maybe....

Ravenous

I have two pretty great things to talk about and I think they both deserve their own posts so we'll start with this one and see how long I can hold out on the other one.

I've had a recent frenzy of reading attacks. I do this about once a year. Jump into a book and just not stop until it's done. The last time I did this was in May 2007, with a King book called "Lisey's Story". It was great. Then I spent a three-day weekend in the magical land of the Boo-ya Moon, lapping at the waters of my imagination's pool. Now I return from Forks, Washington with a crush.
That's right. Twilight. Not just Twilight, mind you, The Twilight Saga. Hannah bought me the first book when I visited her in Tampa. She warned me not to begin reading it until I was home. I didn't listen. I started Thursday. Finished the first book Sunday. Bought the second book Monday. Finished on Thursday. Back to the book store Friday. Bought Three and Four. Finished three on Saturday. Finished Four last night. I'm not sure what happens but sometimes I just ravenously devour books. The forbidden love story of Bella Swan and the object of her affection, a "vegetarian" vampire, named Edward Cullen. Pretty enthralling story. Love story, of course. Quick read too. Who wants to borrow and read next? I will say this: As a previous Anne Rice fan, I am still not a fan of snarling vampires and I still do not believe that they can walk in the sun. I love Anne's vampires. Also, watched the movie and everyone told me it blew. But I think it was just more for the book fans. If you didn't read the book, then yes, maybe it blew. So yeah, me and the screaming pre-teen girls as usual. Maybe I should work at an after-school program...

How could I post about Twilight and not post this beautiful new boyfriend of the month, Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen?
he-LO?
Not possible.
Nice to meet you.