Dear Santa,

I wanted to be done with Christmas shopping by Thanksgiving. Doesn't look like that's going to happen. I already have bought or made gifts for: Elle, Jeanne, Patrick, Derek, and Memaw & Pop. I have ideas for everyone else. Well, everyone except for one person. On that note, I made one of my famous Christmas lists again and was surprised to hear that people missed by friviolous wants (like diamonds and ferraris), rather than the practical items I listed this year(like cleaning supplies and workout clothes). So for those of you who missed that, let's have fun and day dream a bit:

My Christmas List for the solar year twenty-oh-eight.
1.


Government Funded Bailout - since they're handing them out and all...




2.


A Robot! I saw one in the walmart parking lot yesterday. It was pushing carts. The robot vacumn is prolly the coolest piece of cleaning equipment ever. But I want one to clean and cook for me.



3.

An end to: global warming, the war, crimes and general hatred perpetrated and justified by organized religion (seems unfair to pick on them but the sad fact is that most of the truly tragic crimes are, hello mother who drowned all five of her children to "save them from the devil"), exclusive language, and irrational homophobia.





4.

My car loan paid off. Will use bailout money for this, if possible.



5.


Two words: Machu Picchu




6.


Cats who do not need therapy.




7.


A Stefani-esque possee of japanese girls to follow me around at all times. Must be willing to spontaneously break into dance routines, and help me shop.


8.


Stephen King as my personal biographer. Might capture and keep.



9.


A personal chef. (Want Bourdain. will accept Boswell, Ramsay, or Besh)





10.



A naturally high metabolism resulting in effortless weight loss/management without diet or exercise.



Also add in: to begin referring to the year in the sci fi esque "twenty-oh..." in stead of the old and boring "two thousand and...", for some people (one in particular) to learn how to at least act gracious for the gift someone spent time and hard earned money on you, and a palace, and you've got my unrealistic christmas list! Bon Appetit!

Electioneering

Election Day:
I woke up early to go vote and was in and out in ten minutes. I didn't vote for the ammendments. Who has time to read all that? Plus, I don't trust them. Seems like they could hide bad stuff in big words way too easily down here. I get called a socialist and pretty much attacked by our liquor sales rep. Tight-wad conservative a-hole. See if I don't make his life harder than it needs to be for the next couple of weeks.

Election Night: Coop's and Truckstop Honeymoon show at Dba's.
Everytime the tv announced that Obama had won another state, my friend Stef, who was bartending, poured us all shots of jaeger. Cab driver on the way home is from the virgin islands. I ask him do the other countries really care? He says no. When I woke up, I had to puke. Of course, I couldn't so I ended up falling asleep again on the bathroom floor. Haven't been out like that in a long time. The show by the way was excellent. Mike and Katie never cease to entertain.

That's it. Just wanted to document that experience. Since it was history and all. I'm so excited, I have a lot of other things to say about what this means for our country now but honestly...the jaeger has beaten me. And I have laundry to do.