Dear Santa,

I wanted to be done with Christmas shopping by Thanksgiving. Doesn't look like that's going to happen. I already have bought or made gifts for: Elle, Jeanne, Patrick, Derek, and Memaw & Pop. I have ideas for everyone else. Well, everyone except for one person. On that note, I made one of my famous Christmas lists again and was surprised to hear that people missed by friviolous wants (like diamonds and ferraris), rather than the practical items I listed this year(like cleaning supplies and workout clothes). So for those of you who missed that, let's have fun and day dream a bit:

My Christmas List for the solar year twenty-oh-eight.
1.


Government Funded Bailout - since they're handing them out and all...




2.


A Robot! I saw one in the walmart parking lot yesterday. It was pushing carts. The robot vacumn is prolly the coolest piece of cleaning equipment ever. But I want one to clean and cook for me.



3.

An end to: global warming, the war, crimes and general hatred perpetrated and justified by organized religion (seems unfair to pick on them but the sad fact is that most of the truly tragic crimes are, hello mother who drowned all five of her children to "save them from the devil"), exclusive language, and irrational homophobia.





4.

My car loan paid off. Will use bailout money for this, if possible.



5.


Two words: Machu Picchu




6.


Cats who do not need therapy.




7.


A Stefani-esque possee of japanese girls to follow me around at all times. Must be willing to spontaneously break into dance routines, and help me shop.


8.


Stephen King as my personal biographer. Might capture and keep.



9.


A personal chef. (Want Bourdain. will accept Boswell, Ramsay, or Besh)





10.



A naturally high metabolism resulting in effortless weight loss/management without diet or exercise.



Also add in: to begin referring to the year in the sci fi esque "twenty-oh..." in stead of the old and boring "two thousand and...", for some people (one in particular) to learn how to at least act gracious for the gift someone spent time and hard earned money on you, and a palace, and you've got my unrealistic christmas list! Bon Appetit!